I can't help but wonder where my life would be today if I'd made different decisions as a youth. Who would I have become? Would I be the Christian woman I'd always thought I'd be? Would I be married to a man that loved me, shared his hopes and dreams with me? Would I be overseas serving for the PeaceCorps or working as a missionary showing people just how awesome God can be? Would I have walked down the path of fornication and adultery? Would I be so angry and bitter? Would I still feel as alone? Would I have my beautiful daughter? Would I even be in Montana?
And where is God in all of this?
Why was it so easy for me to just walk away from something I knew and desired so fervently? Why did I say yes to men and sex and no to the Father who ever loved me the way I should be loved? How could I just walk away... ?
There is a peace that overcomes understanding in the arms of God. There is a hushed silence in the mind when His Spirit is ushered in... all questions are answered, yet unknown. His love is infallible! His mercy overwhelming.
To not only accept something as broken as my heart and torn to shreds as my life with open arms, but to beg me to come back with tears down His face is something I will never fully comprehend.
God is great.
Ezekial 36:26
And I will give you a new heart -- I will give you new and right desires -- and put a new spirit within you.
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