I am sitting here looking at the photo of a girl I wouldn't even call a friend, merely someone I knew in Highschool, and I'm finding myself JEALOUS of her marriage. Jealous. Because she has a Christian husband, and even though I don't know this for sure; I know this is a marriage based on Christ... they both want to be in ministry, and I'm sure they pray together every night. I'm sure they read the Bible together. I'm sure when they have children they're going to pray with them, and read the Bible to them. And I'm sure she's not doing it by herself. I can't be the one to be empowered to do that. I'm not married to the man I'm with, my daughter isn't being prayed over every night before she goes to sleep, and neither are the other two. I feel like there's a massive distance between my partner and I because there isn't any God in our relationship.... any day off he has is spent gaming and lounging. No couple time away from children, no going to church to worship God and tithe, no nothing.
Sigh. All I want is to go to church and I really felt that movie (Fireproof) would have benefitted us. I want a man like that to be married to. I want to be a woman behind a man that I can feel God pulling me TO not AWAY from.
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