I want to hide away in a hole somewhere. I want to forget so many things but I'm unable to actually pretend he doesn't exist. I won't be able to walk away from the messes that keep incurring because I won't walk away from him. He said it brilliantly when I asked him the other night "How was your day?" and then said "How would you have told me if I was a 1000 miles away in Montana?" ... He told me "It was awful because you weren't here." He's right. Even if I were to go back, even if I were to pretend this never happened amongst the drama and the pain, things wouldn't be good there either. They'd be just as bad as they were if not worse, only I'd be alone. I wouldn't have him. And there is a peace in his hands. I just have to keep reminding myself I'm not lying to myself. It's the truth. But something has to be done. There needs to be an intervention... God needs to be in this relationship. We need him in this family, because there is something wrong fundamentally with a child that has been raised to think it's okay to lie and manipulate. Something broke between the parent/child relationship along the way. There is something wrong when the grandparent and the aunt continue to lie and get violent and make the children think it's okay when it indeed, is NOT. There needs to be protection within this family unit. These children need to be loved and wanted. How can a child that is being taught to deceive for love, and hate merely because they're told show a child that they are loved and wanted? It suggests the opposite, that if you do not do these things for me, you will not be loved! These children need to be prayed with, shown all God has to offer, be saved from the pitfall of hate that has become the center of this extended family. And Woody and I need to have God at our center, we need to hold on to Him and begin to treat eachother with Godly respect, even when we disagree. We need to do more for eachother, or I suppose just do things differently. When we can look to God together for saving for ourselves and our family, treat eachother with the love and honor that IS GOD, show our kids who God is and how to have a Godly relationship, we will be showing those kids what love is and they WILL FEEL WANTED AND LOVED. We will be blessed. The children will be blessed. God will be here amongst us and we will find our faith lost again.

Wisdom

First, I must apologize because the keyboard I'm using is game-oriented and very difficult to use if you want to actually communicate with the real world.

Next, I will apologize for making no sense whatsoever.


I feel as though I'm stuck in a nightmare I can't wake out of. I keep pinching myself, and in some cases letting someone else pinch me; aaaaaaaaaand, damnit; still stuck. I'd rather be in a molasses eating contest in hell at this point. I don't know my left from my right, my sanity has left the building, and the ONE person who is supposed to be holding my hand thinks I should have no problems even admist the most recent shit. SO. Nothing poetic about this scenario, my damn prince charming is too busy rescuing his boss to care that I'm quickly fading out of this fairy tale, never to return.