The first, tend to be the nicer ones. They ask me if the father is involved. Yes. Then they look at my ring finger. They shake their heads. And walk away. (While I'm left defending myself and Jake to-myself... it's an ugly battle because my brain and heart just don't understand eachother.)
The second group is the group I'd like to avoid if at all possible in the future. They are the kind that ask NOT if the father is planning on marrying you; but if you're going to marry him, and when you say "no..." and try to explain it's not YOUR choice it's HIS-they decide to tell you to get rid of the bastard because you don't need him anyway. I know they're just trying to be supportive, but give me a break! ATTENTION ALL MOTOR MOUTHS: I need Jake. Baby needs Jake. And he's not a bastard. Oh---and men are NOT all the same! Good lord, people...
This next group is sweet. They still make me think too hard but they have good intentions. This is the group of people that come up to you, pat you on the back and ask you when the baby's due, while at the same time conveniently grabbing on to your left hand. When they notice a ring isn't there, they ask if the father is still around. Instead of shaming me when I say yes, even though I'm not engaged to be married-they get excited that he's actually involved. When do we get to meet him? Is he excited? The only reason this group bothers me is because I know that unasked still lingers: "Why hasn't he asked you to marry him?" and that they're going to tell how 'sad' my story is to their husbands or wives at dinner tonight.
The fourth group is the one I hate the most. The one that sticks their noses so far into my business my mind stops and builds a brick wall so as to hide any of my thoughts from their overly-obsessive and 'foreseeing' minds. This is the group that doesn't just ask my why I'm not married. These are some of the horrible things I've had to hear-absorb-cycle-and cry waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much about.
1. He got you pregnant. He should try to right things. (Then follows a slew of comments meant to bash the poor man's integrity and committment.)
2. Do NOT live with him before being married. He'll never propose. You'll never marry. And you'll wind up watching him leave off the front porch with some girl he's fallen in love with.
3. Do you plan on living a life of sin? God won't bless you if you don't marry him.
4. I don't understand. Are you not good enough for him to marry?
5. I hope you don't plan on letting the baby have his last name. What happens when you have to explain your different last name six years down the road and to every teacher and parent at the parent-teacher conferences for the rest of her school career?
6. I have to question whether or not he's actually going to be there. If he isn't there for you both-and doesn't want to marry you, what makes you want to be with him?
7. He doesn't want to marry you? Why haven't you just cut him loose? Is there someone else?
8. I don't care if he doesn't want to marry you for money reasons. He's just making excuses.
9. He doesn't love you enough to marry you now, and you're having his BABY. What makes you think he's going to want to marry you later?
10. HOW can you think of a life with someone that doesn't want to marry you? You deserve better than that. Can you imagine sitting at home, watching your daughter grow up and be loved and proposed to, and wondering why you were never worth enough for him to do it?
11. What kind of a man doesn't own up to his actions?!
12. Yes, you shouldn't rush into things; but shouldn't you care that he doesn't want to get married? Your daughter needs to be set a good example of what a family is. If he's not going to do it, than you need to back out and find someone that will.
2. Do NOT live with him before being married. He'll never propose. You'll never marry. And you'll wind up watching him leave off the front porch with some girl he's fallen in love with.
3. Do you plan on living a life of sin? God won't bless you if you don't marry him.
4. I don't understand. Are you not good enough for him to marry?
5. I hope you don't plan on letting the baby have his last name. What happens when you have to explain your different last name six years down the road and to every teacher and parent at the parent-teacher conferences for the rest of her school career?
6. I have to question whether or not he's actually going to be there. If he isn't there for you both-and doesn't want to marry you, what makes you want to be with him?
7. He doesn't want to marry you? Why haven't you just cut him loose? Is there someone else?
8. I don't care if he doesn't want to marry you for money reasons. He's just making excuses.
9. He doesn't love you enough to marry you now, and you're having his BABY. What makes you think he's going to want to marry you later?
10. HOW can you think of a life with someone that doesn't want to marry you? You deserve better than that. Can you imagine sitting at home, watching your daughter grow up and be loved and proposed to, and wondering why you were never worth enough for him to do it?
11. What kind of a man doesn't own up to his actions?!
12. Yes, you shouldn't rush into things; but shouldn't you care that he doesn't want to get married? Your daughter needs to be set a good example of what a family is. If he's not going to do it, than you need to back out and find someone that will.
You know what makes me hurt the most? When people that mean well ask if he's going to marry me. I don't know. So I just tell them: Just because I got pregnant doesn't mean I want to miss out on the suprise romance of being proposed to.
I just wish people would stop asking. I don't want to have to think about this. I don't want to know. I remember asking him before I found out I was pregnant and being told "I don't want to get married for at least another ten years..." and "I don't know if I ever want kids..." Why the HELL would I ask now what his views on marriage are? I've already screwed up this guys' life. I've done enough damage. I don't need to do more. I don't want to be with someone and twenty years down the road wonder if they still resent me for all the life changes I caused. I want to be loved. I want to be wanted.
Leave me alone. I don't need to question Jake and his love for me-
let alone our child.
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